Oh jeez. I haven’t written a piece that I have wanted to write these last few months, but here we go!
These last few months have felt like a fever dream that I can’t wake up from; they have been some of the most challenging but most rewarding moments in my measly 26 years of life. I am ready for them to be over. I have felt as though I have lost a piece of myself recently, and I am trying to find my way back, but I am not sure if I will. The tiredness that has taken over my mind, body, and soul is a type of exhaustion that I have never endured before. And believe me, I have encountered many forms of it.
The responsibilities that rest on my shoulders have weighed me down like no other. Between work, school, and trying to maintain my health, I have lost the little control I have over my mind. Let me paint you a picture… I have been in school for over 2 decades, and my final hurrah is here: my dissertation. My last deed before I can throw my flag in. This, within itself, is one of the most challenging inquiries you can encounter in professional schools. Not to mention, I am going through this process at an accelerated pace than the norm. It would be a luxury only to have to focus on my dissertation, but, unfortunately for me, that is anything but the case.
I am also teaching a class of about 30 undergraduate students on the learning sciences; yawn… Preparing lesson plans and assignments, lecturing for 1.5 hours, navigating the issues that accompany undergrads, and grading are the highlights of this job. I enjoy teaching (for the most part), but there just seems to be no time to dedicate to it. When the day ends, I feel as though I am not doing enough for my students. On top of this, I am a teaching assistant for a different class of about 120 undergrads. I absolutely adore being a TA, but there is no time in the day —an ongoing theme. I am tired.
Meanwhile, I am taking my last class, which feels like a black hole and is the bane of my existence. I can’t even discuss this class without feeling my energy fly out of the window. My last and final school obligation is serving as the Coordinator of Student Partnerships for the National Disability Center for Student Success. I am tired.
Aside from my never-ending list of school responsibilities, there are still lingering work obligations. As an employee at Multiple Sclerosis News Today, I fill several roles: social media moderator, columnist, member of the patient advisory board, and community manager. I am not going to bore you with the details of each position because there are too many to count. Needless to say, I am tired.
This blog post is a reminder to myself that this, too, shall pass. I will not always feel like everything is beyond my control. I will not always feel like I am drowning in a laundry list of responsibilities and tasks. However, a tough pill to swallow is knowing that I will never be in control of my health, and the stress does not help. All of the stress I have endured over the last few months has been enough to last a lifetime. I am so tired, and it feels like it will never end.
