I participated in the Neuroscience Undergraduate Reading Program (NURP) during my undergraduate studies at the University of Texas at Austin. I was partnered with a graduate student with similar research interests. At this point in my educational journey, I was still deciding whether to attend medical school (or not). My goal in attending medical school was to create a private practice for people living with multiple sclerosis (MS) and to provide a personal patient/doctor relationship due to my own experiences with MS. Because of these interests and goals, I was paired with a graduate student researching MS.
As I followed and shadowed my graduate student mentor, I began considering graduate school as a potential option for me to pursue. We had a couple of in-depth conversations on his experiences with pursuing graduate school over medical school. After these discussions, I realized graduate school appeared to be better suited for my abilities. Due to my MS-cognitive impairments, I recognized that I would not be able to sustain the levels of memorization needed to succeed in a pre-health track. In addition, I was much more fascinated with all things research-oriented. Therefore, I applied and was accepted into a doctoral program in the Department of Educational Psychology at UT Austin.
Just a few months into my doctoral studies, it became clear to me that I didn’t necessarily fit in with academic culture. I struggled with this realization for a little while because of my excitement about entering graduate school. I thought allotting some time to fully immerse myself in academia and adjust to this new world would make a difference, but it did not. During that time, I realized that the distance between myself and academia was growing stronger. I felt a lack of connection primarily due to the superficiality surrounding academia. Nothing felt genuine or authentic because it seemed as if academics were attempting to fit into a standard mold, and that mold did not align with my values and beliefs. I choose not to conform or present a version of myself that isn’t authentic to satisfy conventional professional and academic norms.
I once heard someone say that many scholars believe themselves to be “morally superior,” and I resonated with that train of thought. Throughout my college years, I have never once felt that I was of a higher caliber than anyone else. College degrees do not necessarily dictate or measure an individual’s level of intelligence. In my experience, many scholars place themselves on a pedestal simply because they can. However, we, as a society, don’t always acknowledge that intelligence is not a singular phenomenon– it is multifaceted. Intelligence should not be characterized by being able to regurgitate useless facts that don’t benefit anybody. I can’t and will not contribute to a culture that attempts to revoke my authenticity while positioning itself on a moral high ground and perpetuating a false sense of moral superiority.
