Originally posted on Multiple Sclerosis News Today
I tend to bite off more than I can chew because I think I can do it all. News flash: I can’t! But I’ll do my best to try to do it all, even under the constraints of living with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis.
As a 20-something, I don’t want to feel constricted in what I can do and achieve. I firmly believe there’s no single, standard way of living, no single version of “acceptable” or “normal.” I just try to live life as Desiree Lama, someone living with multiple sclerosis (MS). But that isn’t always as straightforward as it may seem, to others or to me.
This past month or so has been especially busy with travel, school, and work. Needless to say, too much is never a good thing for me because my MS fights back tenfold. My summer travel plans have thankfully subsided since around the middle of July, which has taken off a layer of physical exhaustion. However, my school and work have been increasingly hectic.
I’ve previously written about my role as a PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin. My program is designed to span five years, which gives students enough time to obtain their master’s and doctoral degrees.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet all my academic requirements and will complete the program in four years. The deadlines have been approaching faster than I’ve realized, on top of my other preexisting requirements.
The breadth of tasks before me
Currently, I have a laundry list of tasks to complete in a short amount of time, especially considering my MS limitations. Here’s a look at just some of what I have to do:
- Collect data
- Analyze data
- Begin writing the first few chapters of my dissertation
- Finish teaching a course at UT-Austin
- Prepare for the start of the fall semester
- Fulfill a new role with Multiple Sclerosis News Today
To be as productive as I can be in a day, I’ve been waking up around 7 a.m. and working until late evening. On top of everything else, I have to prioritize my sanity, health, and overall well-being.
Sometimes I forget that I can’t take on too much at once; if I do, my chronic fatigue will flare up even more. Using up my day’s mental capacity and brain power often takes a toll on my body. I feel as if anchors are dragging me to the bottom of the ocean. In addition, my joints begin to ache and feel sore, which results in restless legs when I’m trying to sleep.
During these moments, my cognitive fog takes over, and I can barely think or complete full sentences. The only way I can explain it is that thinking itself feels physically painful. I feel lifeless and end my days with a migraine or simply staring at the wall.
In these moments, I have to remind myself that self-care is of utmost importance because stress has always been the root of any relapse I’ve experienced.
To unwind after a long day, I start by taking a steaming hot shower to relax my muscles from all the tension I’ve been holding. That’s followed by a fulfilling dinner with protein and vegetables, such as baked chicken with quinoa and broccoli. Next, I’ll lie on the couch with a cup of tea and a cold face mask to relieve the pressure of my migraine. It also helps cool off my brain after it’s been overloaded all day.
Having a routine self-care regimen at the end of the day can make all the difference in how I feel. I have to put myself first, because if I’m not OK, neither are the things I need to do.
