Originally posted on Multiple Sclerosis News Today
As I write this, I feel mentally, physically, and emotionally well — something I always take advantage of before my health goes downhill, as it will sometimes. The only issue I struggle with in these energized periods is taking care not to exert all of my energy at once. In life with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis, I never know when I’ll start feeling worse — especially now that I’m beginning a new treatment because of mild disease progression.
Since my most recent MRI showed that my multiple sclerosis (MS) has progressed, I’ve been experiencing many highs and lows. These fluctuations are spontaneous and last for different lengths of time, which is troublesome to navigate.
For instance, being back on campus for a new semester of graduate school has presented many challenges. There are moments when I feel absolutely phenomenal and ready to conquer my busy school and work schedule. But in many instances, I experience a sudden shift in how I feel. It’s as though someone’s flicking a light on and off.
Just last week, I walked into a meeting with my colleagues and felt great, but 10 minutes later, I was internally screaming. I stared at the wall for most of that meeting because I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than how horrible my body felt.
Whenever my partner and I start to feel worse, we say that we’re evaporating or disintegrating. I feel like I’ve been disintegrating at a faster rate these days.
On a brighter note, when I’m feeling good, I try to complete all of my tasks before my energy starts to fade. I take advantage of the highs because I feel as though I can conquer the world — and I do. There’s nothing better than feeling well. The issue is that I always do too much too fast, inducing a low period all on my own.
Even though it’s been years since my MS diagnosis, I still haven’t found a healthy balance when it comes to how much energy I use each day. Perhaps this struggle is a subconscious way to resist giving in fully to MS, even though it’s beyond my control. But I’m not sure. My support system has to remind me constantly that it’s OK to take it easy. Slowing down isn’t a negative reflection on who I am; it simply means my circumstances are different from those around me.
