Originally posted on Multiple Sclerosis News Today
Too often, I’d find myself amid joyful moments with loved ones, struggling to keep irritability at bay. At those times, my mind would stagger between living in the happiness of the moment or an overwhelming sense of overstimulation, annoyance, and frustration. Most of the time, the irritability took over.
When that prevailed, my patience would wear thin, and agitation and grumpiness would fill every molecule of my body. My sensitivity to sounds would increase tenfold, I’d experience hot flashes, and my body would feel uneasy. All of those further amplified my mood and made me snappy. I couldn’t predict how long these episodes would last, so I practiced positive thinking to overcome them.
Afterward, I’d spend days replaying those behaviors because I’d think about how they were unwarranted and unfair to those around me. I’d often end up criticizing myself for days on end for feeling that way without a good reason, but I couldn’t prevent it from occurring again, no matter how hard I tried.
Finding the right treatment
Since being diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis in 2016, I’ve lost track of the number of times that mood swings have gotten the better of me. I was diagnosed at 17 years old, so my family at first attributed my irritability to being in my angsty teenage phase. However, these episodes worsened as the years progressed, so much more than my youth was involved.
At first, my family members became frustrated by my antics, but eventually became much more understanding because they realized the irritability was entirely beyond my control. During my bouts of it, they gave me the space I needed without constantly criticizing or judging me.
Because MS symptoms vary so much, I wasn’t aware that mood swings and changes in emotional behavior were common for those of us with the condition. Once I learned about MS-associated mood swings, I felt a tad bit validated and an overall sense of relief. Still, I was upset that my healthcare team hadn’t relayed this information to me from the start. After a while, my bouts of irritability became exhausting, and their frequency and severity interfered with my quality of life. I just wanted them to stop.
I took an antidepressant for a few years, but it didn’t seem to help control my irritability. So I talked to my neurologist about my concerns because they were becoming a bit much and began interfering with personal relationships.
I switched to lamotrigine, sold under the brand name Lamictal and others. It treats seizures but is also used as an antidepressant. Lamotrigine has been a tremendous help, though I didn’t notice the drug’s effectiveness until I took a step back to reflect. I then realized I’d been living in a world free from constant mood swings, and because of that, I began to truly live.
