Originally posted on Multiple Sclerosis News Today
Dear younger self,
As I sit down to write this letter, I can’t help but tear up at the thought of you. First and foremost, you’re an amazing soul, full of life and with a bright future ahead of you. But you’ve just received life-changing news, and it feels as though your whole world is caving in on you.
Desiree Lama when she was 3 years old.
Just yesterday, you were diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) as a 17-year-old waiting to finish your senior year of high school with a bang. MS doesn’t quite fit into your idea of an extraordinary ending to this chapter of your life.
I know that right now you’re feeling scared and overwhelmed, but you’re trying your best to avoid those emotions. And I know you’re succeeding at bottling up those feelings and locking them away into a less used part of your mind. Please don’t do this.
I’m here to tell you that it’s OK to feel your feelings, including the hopeless and bleak ones. Being diagnosed with a chronic illness is a lot to process and absorb, but just take it one day at a time.
As your older self, I’m writing to assure you that this diagnosis isn’t the end. Hard times are inevitable and your health will fluctuate, but you’ll prosper despite how you feel right now. During the days when it feels as if the weight of your MS is too much to bear on your own, don’t be afraid to ask for support. You’re never alone.
As you embark on your college journey, I need you to remember to be kind to yourself. You are not your peers, and they are not you. Being at a highly competitive university doesn’t mean you have to belittle yourself and compare yourself with those around you. You don’t have to put on a facade for the sake of others, even if that makes them uncomfortable.
Just do what you can and remember that you don’t owe anybody an explanation. Your circumstances are different, and if someone doesn’t understand that, it’s their loss.
MS doesn’t define you, but it’s a significant part of your identity. You’re still the vibrant, loving, bright-eyed person you’ve always been. MS will never diminish the qualities that make you who you are.
Above all, you’re resilient. But sometimes it’s OK to feel defeated or that you’ve succumbed to MS. That doesn’t make you any less strong; it makes you human.
With all my love,
20-something-year-old Desiree
